My first night in China there was a dinner party, in Beijing. Eleven people, eleven big dishes, plenty of beer and wine. The food was excellent. The total came to $21 – less than $2 per person. My god, I thought, I’m going to love this country.

The Chinese eat everything. They are as obsessed with food as the French – they talk about it constantly. Each region has its own cuisine – there’s huge variation. They are fanatical about freshness.

One guy told me: “All those years under Mao, you never knew who was an informer. It was unsafe to talk about anything. The only safe subjects were the weather, and food. So we are a nation of foodies.”

I tried a lot of weird stuff. I was consistently wrong: the stuff I thought would be disgusting was usually good, and I was grossed out when I least expected it.

For example, I thought grubs (large beetle larvae) would be pretty nasty, but they were delicious. Like garlic popcorn with a chewy center. I ate a huge bowl of these dark ones, on the street.

You’ve heard those stories of Chinese restaurants that substitute dog meat for beef? It’s a myth. Dog is more expensive than beef in China. You generally have to go to specialty restaurants for it, and it’s  considered a special treat. On the other hand, I really couldn’t distinguish the flavor of dog stew from beef stew, so next time I’ll choose based on price.

What’s that, Lassie? You say little Ricky has fallen into a mine, and needs insulin?

When the roasted pig’s head was placed on the table, everyone’s chopsticks went for the gooey, fatty cheeks. I had a bite, but couldn’t really handle it. The dishes that consisted mainly of gelatinous, liquid-y fat grossed me out. Interestingly, that was usually my Chinese friends’ favorite stuff. Too many years when no one could afford fatty protein, they said.

This part of the Great Wall is only about an hour from Beijing, if you drive like a Chinese taxi. I had to beg the driver to slow down, twice. He got kind of pissed.

During the Cold War, the US foreign service noticed that people they sent to Russia generally came back with a strong hatred of Soviet communism, often describing it as pure evil. On the other hand, the people they sent to China often came back with a deep love for the people, history and culture there.

I can see that. Sure, it’s crowded, ridiculously polluted, authoritarian and corrupt, but let’s face it: the Chinese culture is amazing. I’m looking forward to seeing it again.

These kids thought I was hilarious – so fat, and with such a big nose!

Up close, caucasians smell terrible to the Chinese. It’s the dairy in our diets. They think milk and cheese are disgusting – why would anyone want to drink cow-breast milk? That’s for baby cows. Well,  I’ve pretty much eliminated dairy from my diet now, so maybe I’ll gross them out less, next time.